Shattered
by Flaming Sword
Summary: chapter 4 up. even more confusing than the last few!
1. Sorrow

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Period.   
  
Shattered: an Evangelion fanfiction  
  
It is an overcast night and the skies look as if they might open up and poor down at a moment's notice. A young boy around the age of 14 or 15 is seen rushing through the deserted streets with a frantic air about him. His breath is ragged and his silver hair is matted to his face with sweat and blood. His deep crimson eyes show a lifetime of unimaginable pain and sadness. As he stops to rest in the relative safety of a dark and secluded alleyway, he clutches his side and a feels warm liquid seeping through his clothing, coating his fingers. He brings his hand up to the light to confirm what coats his hand. He winces in pain as he applies more and more pressure to the wound in an attempt to stop the blood from flowing out of it. His pain soon intensifies to a point where even the most stubborn of human beings would cry out in pain. The boy has every wish to do just that but that would alert his pursuers, and he cannot have that. He bites down on his lip to stifle and scream and find his mouth filled with a coppery tasting substance that hints that his wounds are even worse than they appear. He wishes that he had somewhere to go, someone to turn to, but alas, the entire city is deserted and even if it were not his shattered memories would not allow him find anyone he may have known to help him. Soon he hears movement outside the alley, and attempts to wrap himself in the shadows of the far corner of the alley.   
  
The sounds of movement slowly fade away from the boy and he feels safe for the moment, but he knows that his pursuers are relentless and will soon find him no matter how well he hides. As he draws even further into the shadows that now offer his only form of protection, he tries to remember what exactly caused his life to become such a constant fight for survival against insurmountable odds. His only memories come is brief flashes and do nothing to help the boy remember what brought about such a horrid life for him.  
  
He can remember a man with a cold expression on his face and mirrored sunglasses covering his eyes. This man's frigid glare causes a chill to caress his spine and he cannot help but shudder. He feels like he should know who this man is but he cannot recall his name or even how he knows the man. Although he does feel like this man is somewhat close to him, the image causes a great hatred to swell up within him. It is as if he hates and loves the man at the same time. The image fades moments after it had begun and is soon replaced by another image.  
  
This new image is of a woman with short brown hair and a caring expression adorning her face. He feels a great need to see more of this image and, even if his memories were not coming as little more than randomized flashes, he fully believes he would not remember much about this woman. His mind doesn't quite know how to comprehend the feelings that accompany this image. He feels a sense of safety and love, a feeling he has not experienced much in his life, and yet the image stirs up a great sense of loss within him. He reluctantly pushes the image out of his mind to spare himself the trouble of dealing with these newly acquired feelings. The image is replaced by yet another new face.  
  
This image is of a young girl around his age with short blue hair and red eyes, much like his own. She reminds him of the last image he saw in some way but he cannot quite pace how. Her face is emotionless but not cold like the man he saw, but simply devoid of all emotion. The image shifts to another of the same girl. This time she has a slight smile on her face but looks like she had just been through hell. He doesn't now how but he knows that smile on her lips if for him. He feels a slight bit of happiness begin to creep into his mind and cannot help but smile, albeit slightly, to himself. He feels a bit disappointed when the image fades only to be replaced by another of the same girl. This time he is shocked to see the same girl yet again but now she is dyeing in his arms, her body riddled with bullet wounds and her blood staining his shirt. He knows that her death was to protect him. He feels a tear coming to his eyes and absently wipes it away. He pushes away this image in hopes to find something happier somewhere in the recesses of his mind.   
  
  
  
The next image he sees is another girl around his age with fiery red hair and sky-blue eyes. At this image the boy cannot help but feel conflicted. He knows that she is like him in a way but much different. He does not know how he knows but he knows this girl hates him. He does not quite understand why she would hate him but his heart tells him she does. The image fades only to be replaced with another of the same girl. The boy's heart grows heavy as he sees her, much like the previous girl, on her deathbed. Her hair becoming even redder as the blood from the hole in the back of her head seeps out. His sadness begins to build with this image and he begins to question if knowing about his past is really going to help him enough to be worth all of these horrifying images. He tries to make up his mind if he should continue this search through his mind or simply stop there.   
  
His conflict is decided for him as his shoulder explodes into pain as a bullet grazes it. It seems his tormenters have found him again. His memories shattered yet again, the boy prepares to run for his life. A single tear rolls down the boy's cheek, it's meaning already forgotten, and the chase begins anew.   
  
Author's notes: this is my first attempt at a fanfiction so please don't flame me but C&C will be accepted at Matt9878@aol.com. That is all. Ja ne. 


	2. Confusion

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Period.  
  
Shattered: an Evangelion fanfiction. Chapter 2  
  
The boy continues to run; but his body is beginning to feel the effects of the constant loss of blood he has been experiencing. His chest burns from lack of oxygen and his muscles are sore from almost non-stop use. He knows that his chances of escape are slim to none but instead of losing hope he uses this fact as a drive to try harder. Try harder to escape his pursuers and to find out something, anything, about his past. His will to survive pushes him harder and harder to escape. He runs in random directions not quite knowing where he is or where he will be next. He hopes to use this to confuse the ones that are after him. It seems to have worked, as he no longer hears the frantic footsteps behind him and has yet to feel any more bullets fly by his head. Even in his hope that he is safe he dares not turn around. Instead he continues to run.  
  
He runs for what seems like days. Each time he thinks he has lost his pursuers he is punished for being so arrogant as to think he is better than them. He has finally made his way out of the deserted city and now moves in a dense forest, which, he hopes will provide enough cover to allow him some time to rest. He knows that he cannot sleep but he feels so tired that he cannot help but think of laying down right where he is, pursuers be dammed, shut his eyes, and fall asleep. At least his body has begun to heal and, although he is still a bit lightheaded and weak from blood loss the wound on his side is beginning to close and the wound on his shoulder is all but gone; replaced by nothing more than a slight scar. Had he the time, he would ponder exactly why he has healed so fast and why he was still able to run after days without food, water, or sleep; but his mind is on other things; mostly how he can come out of his current situation with his life intact.  
  
As he continues to move through the forest he cannot help but feel that he has been here before. His memories flash again as he sees a boy, who looks almost exactly like himself except with brown hair and blue eyes, running through the forest much like he is doing now. The only difference that he can see is that this boy seems to be running from himself and no one else. The boy he sees is simply afraid of himself, afraid of what he might become. When he tries to find out why this boy is running his memories fade and his consciousness shifts to a more physical plane. He is now within his own mind but also without it. He cannot explain the sensation that he is felling at this time.  
  
He is now confronted by the image a mysterious looking man in a black cloak. The image looks at him and looks as if it is trying to speak to him. The image's lips move but there is no sound.  
  
'Why are you here?' the image seems ask him.  
  
He simply stands in place unable to comprehend exactly what he is speaking to. 'Why are you here?' the image says again, its voice booming inside the boy's head yet not truly heard.  
  
The boy continues to stand, dumbfounded by the image presented to him. 'Why are you here?' it repeats yet again.  
  
'I. I do not know' the boy says, his voice a little shaky.  
  
The image regards him for a while; its eyes seem to see through the boys form and into his very soul. The boy finds it impossible to tear his gaze away from the image's eyes.  
  
'How can you not know?' the image asks, 'you are here, are you not? Therefore you must know why you are here.'  
  
'But I do not,' the boy replies, his voice growing slightly bolder, 'all I know is that I am here.'  
  
The image seems to process the boy's answer, all the while still staring strait into the boy's eyes.  
  
After the image does not move or attempt to respond to his words for a while the boy ventures, 'who are you?' he asks.  
  
The image once again cocks its head to the side and regards the boy, 'I am you, yet I am not you. I am all, yet I am nothing. I am the beginning, yet I am the end.'  
  
This serves to further confuse the boy.  
  
'I don't understand, who are you?' The boy asks again.  
  
'I have already told you who I am.' The image says simply. 'I will see you again young one, but now, you must awaken.' The image says, as the plane seems to fade away.  
  
'Wait!' the boy yells as the plane shatters and his eyes slowly open to reality.  
  
His eyes come into focus and he sees that he is in the forest yet again. 'A dream' the boy rationalizes, 'I must have fallen asleep.' He turns his eyes upwards to try and gauge how long he had been out. He gasps as he looks up into the night sky. Had he really spaced out for that long? He is snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of footsteps approaching him. The boy sighs as he prepares himself to run again, his dream already fading from his memory. From the deep recesses of the boy's mind a single word springs forth unbidden into the boy's thoughts.  
  
'Soon.'  
  
Well how's that for chapter 2? I like the little cliffhanger there, don't you? I know the story is confusing but it's meant to be that way. Sorry if it gets a little frustrating at times but all will be revealed eventually. (That is, assuming I finish this fic) Well that's all for now. Ja ne. 


	3. Rage

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Period.  
  
Shattered: an Evangelion fanfiction Chapter 3  
  
The hunt continues. The boy's wounds are now fully healed and his pace has quickened. His pursuers are now having trouble keeping up with him, but are still not far behind. He weaves through the dense foliage with a practiced ease obtained by days of non-stop movement trough the woods. He now finds himself nearing the edge of the forest. He briefly considers doubling back on himself to confuse his pursuers but quickly decides against it. 'Too risky'. He cannot take chances now; they are to close. Instead he continues to run, not looking back, not even looking forward, he simply runs. His lungs are beginning to burn now and his body is finally showing signs of the overbearing stress being put on it by days of non-stop running.  
  
The boy's vision begins to blur as he nears the edge of the forest. For the last few days, the sun has only shown itself slightly through the thick entanglement of branches and leaves above him. Only now does he realize that this has made his eyes very adapt to the dark, thus making him put forth great effort to adapt to the now blinding sunlight. He continues running even as his eyes adjust but without his vision he has a hard time keeping his balance. He manages to avoid many of the lesser obstacles in his path through sheer luck, but his lack of sight eventually causes him to trip over an errant tree root at the edge of the forest. 'Shit!' he says to himself as his body goes down hard. His head snaps back as his body slams into the ground at full speed. His vision blurs further before he falls into unconsciousness.  
  
The boy's assailants are not far now and he struggles to awaken from his unwanted nap. He is too open as he is now; if they reach him before he awakes there is no hope of survival. His mind races as he tries to find a solution to the problem at hand. His ears begin to pick up faint noises around his incapacitated form. His eyes crack open slowly and he tries to lift himself off the ground. He hears voices now; they are close; too close. They will be upon him any moment. His mind races faster as he tries harder and harder to pick himself off the ground, to put any amount of distance between himself and his pursuers.  
  
Exhausted the boy collapses back down on to his back, only having made it as far as a nearby tree before his severely depleted reserves finally gave out. He smiles ruefully, 'So this is how it ends,' he thinks to himself. At least he put up a valiant effort. They are too close now; they should have already opened fire. 'What's going on?' he thinks to himself. The boy slowly lifts his head to look at his assailants. 6 men, each heavily armed. 'Great' the boy thinks to himself, 'as if I needed the odds anymore against me.' The leader has a smug smile on his face as he walks cautiously up to the boy, not taking any chances.  
  
"So," the lead assassin says arrogantly as he moves ever closer, "looks like we finally got you, doesn't it?"  
  
"I must admit you gave us quite a run there for a while," he continues, after receiving no reply, "but now the game is up."  
  
The assassin takes a few wary steps away from the boy and then levels his pistol at the boy's head. The boy has no wish to give this man the satisfaction of seeing him squirm before his death so he sits perfectly still, awaiting the end.  
  
"Your no fun," the assassin pouts, still smiling, "Aren't you at least gonna beg for mercy?" Hearing no response from the boy he simply shrugs and carefully takes aim with his piston. "Well, nice knowin' ya kid," the assassin says before pulling the trigger.  
  
The boy's eyes clench shut as he hears the gun go off. His body tenses in preparation for his own demise. After several moments of silence, not felling the pain of his body being pierced by lead, the boy slowly opens his eyes. He gasps at the sight of an orange hexagonal field about a foot in front of him. Apparently the assassins are as stunned as he is by this development as they all simply stand and watch him with unmoving eyes. The lead assassin's face quickly changes from awe to anger and he levels the gun on the boy once more and sends a full volley of bullets through the air. The boy tenses again as the gun goes off but he relaxes as the bullets reflect harmlessly of the field in front of him.  
  
Suddenly the boy feels his body begin to lift itself up off the ground. He tries to take control of his body but is unable to do so. He feels himself being pushed out of his own mind, his body being controlled by another. Soon he loses all senses and slips away, moving into the recesses of his own mind.  
  
The assassins are taken by total surprise as the boy's form surges into motion, running directly at the one who dared shoot at him. The lead assassin barely has time to think before he is suddenly sent flying across the clearing, impacting a tree with a dull thud. The boy walks slowly at the fallen assassin, his comrades to stunned and afraid to even draw their weapons, let alone fire them.  
  
A feral grin grows on the boy's face as he nears his prey. The assassin groggily gets to his feet; an expression of pure hatred on his face. This causes the boys grin to spread further as he draws ever closer to the man that dared attack him. The assassin franticly looks around for his fallen firearm as the boy draws closer still, advancing at an overly slow pace, his grin becoming wider with each step. The assassin finally locates his weapon and quickly points it at the boys slowly advancing form. The second he pulls the trigger the boy blurs out of sight and is suddenly right in front of the assassin. For his part the assassin tries to block the oncoming assault but finds his arms simply batted away from him chest, badly broken. A look of utter terror flashes through his eyes before the boy's fist is driven into his skull up to the wrist. As the boy pulls his hand out of the bloodied remains of the man's face he turns to glare at the other men in the group that had been so hell-bent on his demise.  
  
He blurs into motion again, moving at inhuman the speeds towards the stunned assassins. The one nearest the boy doesn't even have a chance to think before his body is all but broken in two as the boy's fist slams into his chest. There is a sickening crunch as the man's sternum caves in, killing him instantly. The others begin to draw their weapons but it is too late. The boy's form blurs yet again and another assassin screams out in pain as he finds his legs completely shattered by a single kick. His screaming is quickly cut short, replaced by the crack of his neck snapping. The last of the assassins quickly begin retreating at the sight of 3 of their comrades so effortlessly slaughtered.  
  
The boy simply gins as they try and run from him and leaps high into the air. As he falls he curls his hand into a claw and speeds his decent. He lands directly in front of the fastest assassin, whose body quickly falls, dieing from the 4 deep gashes that now run the entire length of his body. The others look at him in renewed terror before turning to run again.  
  
The boy quickly leaps at the closest man and drives his head into the ground, still applying pressure long after the man's skull shatters on the earth below his feet. The last assassin finally stops running, understanding that he has no chance of escape. He hesitantly pulls his gun from its holster and aims it at the boy. He quickly fires off 3 rounds and is relieved when the boy doesn't make a move to dodge. Right before the bullets hit the boy another orange field appears in front of him. The boy simply looks to the man with a calm expression on his face, as if to say 'what was that supposed to do?' The assassin drops to his knees upon seeing this simply awaiting the end. The boy slowly moves to the assassin and picks up his gun. The man turns his eyes to the ground and is quickly rendered dead by a quick shot to the back of his head.  
  
The deep red glow begins to fade from the boy's eyes and control over his body returns. 'What have I done?' the boy asks himself, surveying the carnage he apparently created. He drops to his knees, his energy utterly spent. Before he is gripped by blissful unconsciousness a single tear falls from his eye, and then, darkness.  
  
Author's notes: Wow, I didn't know I could be that violent. Oh, well. You never know 'till you try I guess. Well that is about all for now. I'll try to update soon and make the story make a little more sense (hopefully) for everyone. 'till next time. Ja ne. 


	4. Remorse

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Period.  
  
Shattered: an Evangelion fanfiction Chapter 4  
  
The boy awakens slowly; the carnage from the day before still fresh in his mind. His body is still covered in the blood of the men who lost their lives to him. He can recall their faces perfectly; each one vividly etched into his mind, never to be erased. Even before his eyes are fully open to the morning light, he begins to shed tears of remorse for the men who have for so long tormented him.  
  
The boy doesn't quite understand why he feels so much for these men, ones who wouldn't, didn't, hesitate to kill him and everyone he held dear. He does not understand why, but that doesn't stop him from feeling overwhelming guilt for what he has done. His tears begin to fall more freely now as his sorrow begins to fully take hold. His mind begins to slip away from reality, returning to a place deep within himself; a place he has been before but has no memory of.  
  
The boy finds himself once again on a dark plane in the deepest recesses of his mind. He looks around the empty world, franticly searching for any form of life. Finding nothing he collapses to the ground and begins to sob uncontrollably. He hates the immense feeling of loneliness this place conveys to him. It is as if this entire world has been abandoned leaving nothing but emptiness. Images of the men that lay dead around his physical body push their way into the boy's mind; each one bringing out even more sorrow from the boy's soul. The boy simply continues to sob, his face buried in his hands in an attempt to drive away the images that assail him. Even in death these men give him no peace.  
  
'Why do you feel remorse for these men?'  
  
Startled, the boy turns around to see the cloaked man that he spoke with the last time he came to this place. Memories come flooding back into the boy of his first visit here. The being regards him with an impassive eye before cocking its head to the side and asking again.  
  
'Tell me. Why do you feel remorse for the deaths of these men?'  
  
'I. I... killed them. Why shouldn't I feel remorse for them?' the boy replies, still sobbing quietly.  
  
'They tried to kill you. They brought it upon themselves. Why does this cause you unrest?' The image replies, still staring impassively at the boy, its eyes never leaving his downcast face. The boy's eyes slowly move upward, towards the being's enshrouded face.  
  
'Even so, they didn't deserve to be utterly slaughtered like they were. No matter what they did to me they could never deserve what I did to them.' The boy breaks down and begins to cry uncontrollably once more; his gaze once again falling to the ground below him.  
  
'They could and they did. There is nothing you could have done to those men that they had not earned through a lifetime of spilling innocent blood. Did you not think of what would happen if you had not killed them?' the image's voice booms inside the boy's head.  
  
The boy turns his head upward again and regards the image through still falling tears. 'But even if they deserved to die, their deaths are still on my hands,' the boy sobs, still unable to bring himself to stop crying.  
  
'Why do you still grieve for them?' the image asks after what seems like an eternity of silence.  
  
'I. I don't know.' The boy replies, wiping the tears away from his eyes, ' I just don't know'  
  
'You must understand that your grief can never bring them back' the image continues after a few moments, 'why must you continue in this pointless endeavor?'  
  
'Why do you care?' the boy ventures, trying to catch the image off guard, 'just let me do as I wish.'  
  
'If I were to do that then you would simply let yourself whither away and die, losing yourself in your grief, and I cannot have you doing that.' The being answers, a small grin forming under the deep shadows that cover its face.  
  
'Why do you care whether I live or die?' The boy says after a pause to finish wiping the tears from his face.  
  
'I have told you before boy, I am you, we are one and the same.'  
  
'What do you mean?' the boy asks, confused, 'we are one and the same? I don't understand.'  
  
'You will young one, you will,' the image says, its form quickly dissipating into the emptiness that surrounds them, 'for now, you must awaken, do not presume that those men you killed were the last that will come for you.'  
  
'Wait! I still don't understand.' The boy yells out as the world around him shatters and he once again finds himself returned to reality. All memories of what has just happened are nothing more than fleeting images to him now.  
  
It is night now and the boy absently wonders what has happened. It was morning last he knew and now it is night. He simply casts the question aside and prepares himself to continue running.  
  
Author's notes: well another chapter done and a bunch more readers confused. I've done my job. On a side note, I've got a lot of complaints about killing off Auska and/or Rei but I assure you that it needed to be done to set up the story. Sorry people. Ja ne. 


End file.
